Naruto's Paradox
by King Cairo
Summary: The one thing Naruto has always wanted more than anything was a friend. After a fateful encounter during the Wave mission, he will gain so much more. Naru/Schro yaoi. Don't like it, don't bother reading it.


Naruto Chronicles: Naruto's Paradox

Chapter 1

Speaking: normal

Thoughts, flashbacks, com-link, and notes: _italicized_

Jutsus, summons, demons: **bold**

Summons's and demon's thoughts, emphasis, Schrödinger's cat form, mind link, and Naruto's call to order: _**bold italicized**_

(): author speaking

…: Time change

~: Scene change

Summary: Slash-fic. Set during the Wave mission. Growing up alone for most of his life, Naruto has always wanted a real friend. After losing his cool and leaving Tazuna's house, Naruto finds companionship in the form of a blonde cat with black ears. This "cat" however has more than just friendship on its mind.

Warning: major bashing of the Uchiha and moderate to minor bashing of the pink one to come. Also Kakashi breaks the fourth wall.

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto. Schrödinger is a character from Hellsing and therefore belongs to Kouta Hirano. This is a fan-made story made simply for the sake of enjoyment and because this author likes to write about things not normally seen.

Note: Due to not having the time required to actually try and write the accented dialogue of characters, please try to imagine their accents instead. The same can be said of Hinata's stuttering.

* * *

Naruto huffed in annoyance as he ventured out into the woods. He was still pissed off at the things that Inari had said to him. "_What right did that little runt have to try and tell me what suffering is,_" he thought. "_I bet that little punk hasn't been in a single fight in his life._"

He had gotten even more upset when his teammates insulted him for speaking his mind. Kakashi came to his aid but the words that were said was still enough to make Naruto leave the house. When he came to a spot that seemed secluded enough, Naruto let out the loudest yell he could muster.

The frustrated blonde then spent the next hour slashing away at trees with a pair of kunai. By the time he was satisfied, the trees had been nearly gouged out and Naruto was dead tired. As he sat down against a tree he hadn't mutilated, his thoughts began to wander. Soon enough, he started to think about what friends he had.

However, it seemed that the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't really have many friends. Sasuke always looked down on him and Sakura never paid him the time of day. He would've counted Konohamaru, but they hadn't had much time to associate on a truly friendly level. He also tried counting Anko, but he didn't get to see her much.

Naruto could only sigh as his heart got heavier. "_Why can't I have any real friends,_" he dejectedly thought. "_I wish I could have a real friend. One that would never want to leave me alone in this world. One that would care about me and want to stay with me._"

As he looked up into the empty sky, Naruto could only feel the hole in his heart getting wider. He was just on the verge of tears when he felt something brushing against his leg. The blonde looked down at his feet and saw a cat with blonde fur and black furred ears. "What's a cat like you doing out here all alone?"

The strange cat gave him a blank stare before jumping onto his chest and tucking in for a nap. Naruto stared at the cat for a few moments before relenting. "I should move you, but I don't like bothering others when they sleep. Consider yourself lucky for that."

Seeing that the cat wasn't going to respond, Naruto adjusted himself so that he was propped against the tree before falling into slumber. While he didn't want to get his hopes up, Naruto silently prayed that the cat would be there when he woke up. "_Maybe you'll be my friend,_" he sadly thought as sleep took him away. "_Maybe I won't have to be so alone anymore. Maybe…_"

* * *

Next morning…

A girl with long brown hair was currently gathering herbs to heal Zabuza when she came across a sleeping Naruto. Seeing that he was alone, the girl silently contemplated on what to do. "_Killing him now would spell less trouble for Zabuza-sama in the long run. Still, I don't think I can attack him when he's so defenseless like this. Zabuza-sama wouldn't be pleased with me killing someone without giving them a fighting chance._"

Hearing the sound of a bush rustling, the girl silently looked around to see if someone was there. When she returned her attention to Naruto, she was shocked to see a blonde cat with black ears sitting on the blonde's chest. The part that shocked her was that the cat had violet eyes and seemed to be glaring at her. "_Where did that cat come from,_" she thought. "_I didn't hear it coming and I only looked away for the briefest of seconds._"

After staring at the cat for a few more seconds, the young woman placed her hand on Naruto's shoulder and gently shook him awake. "You're going to catch a cold if you sleep out here."

Naruto slowly opened his eyes to see a beautiful girl with milky white skin and long brown hair. "I appreciate the concern, but it's impossible for me to get sick. My kekkei genkai grants me a rapid healing factor and negates almost all poisons and diseases. By the way, I'm Naruto Uzumaki," he said while holding out his hand.

The girl smiled before shaking his outstretched hand. "My name is Haku. I was out finding herbs to make a medicine for my friend when I found you out here. By the way, that's a cute little friend you have with you."

Naruto looked down to see the same cast from the previous night sitting on his chest. The cat rubbed its head against Naruto's arm before pawing at his chest. "_He's still here,_" Naruto thought. "_He didn't leave me all alone._"

He pulled himself away from his thoughts long enough to give the cat a gentle hug. "He really is cute," Naruto said with a smile. "I really like the contrasting black-furred ears against his blonde fur."

As the cat seemed to drink in Naruto's praise, the blonde shinobi and Haku spoke about random things. When the subject of Naruto being a shinobi came up, Haku decided to ask him a question that would affect both of them later. "Naruto-kun, do you have anyone you would consider to be precious to you?"

Naruto gave the question a good twice-over before nodding. "I do have a few people like that. They've always been there for me and I would do anything to keep them safe."

Haku smiled as she picked up her basket and prepared to leave. "I believe that when a person fights to protect their precious people, they will find true strength. It was nice having someone to talk with, Naruto-kun. I hope to see you again."

As the two parted ways, Naruto stopped her and placed a jasmine flower and a kunai in her hand. "Consider this a promise to meet again, Haku nee-chan. And yes, I know you're hiding your gender with chest bindings. Please be safe out there and watch out for those thugs. Gato's men are horrible."

When Naruto was sure that he could no longer feel Haku's presence in the area, he sat back down next to the cat and absentmindedly scratched its ears. "I can't believe I had a friendly conversation with that fake hunter-nin," he said aloud to no one. "And the sad part is, I like her more than my own team."

He then looked at the cat in his arms before saying, "I really wish you could talk right now. Maybe being able to converse with you would help deal with this pain I'm feeling."

"_**I can speak,**_" said an accented voice in Naruto's head. "_**I just can't talk. I'd need my normal form for that.**_"

Naruto looked down in surprise at the cat in his arms. As much as he wanted to believe that this furry creature spoke to him, it was too good to be true. "_**I can assure you,**_" said the same melodic voice, "_**that you are not imagining this. I really am speaking to you from within this body.**_"

Deciding to see if he was insane or not, Naruto pinched himself and sighed in relief when he felt a small twinge of pain. "Good," he said. "I haven't lost my mind yet. So, if this isn't your normal form, what do you look like? Also, do you have a name to go by?"

The cat gently rubbed its nose against Naruto's chin before jumping out of his arms. "_**My name is Schrödinger and my normal form is a lot more human…with the exception of the ears and tail. There's a lot you need to know if you want to understand me better. Will you hear my story?**_"

Naruto gently scratched the cat's ears and nodded. "I'd be honored to listen to you, Schrödinger. You've been so kind to me, the least I can do is hear you out."

Schrödinger purred in happiness before jumping onto Naruto's legs. He then told the young shinobi of his past life and the events that led up to him being trapped in his current form.

* * *

Flashback…

_Schrödinger looked Alucard in the eye with a sullen look upon his face. "Alucard," he said, "I've been trapped in this void for so long. I want nothing more than to be free of this bloody prison."_

_The vampire looked at the boy in front of him and laughed. "You do remember that you did this in order to get rid of me. By leaving this self-entered prison, you will be setting me free to return to my master."_

"_I understand that," the hybrid responded. "I just wish to be able to acknowledge who I am again."_

_Alucard looked into the eyes of the cat-boy while thinking. "I will make you a deal for your freedom. You must traverse the world in the form of a cat, and can only be released by drinking the blood of one who lives in darkness yet walks in the light. Also, you cannot simply take the blood from them. It must be willingly given without __**any**__ outside influence."_

_Schrödinger instantly cut the palm of his hand and held it out. Alucard repeated the motion and grabbed the boy's hand within his own. "We have an accord then, boy. By the way, you should know that the change is going to be highly painful and could possibly kill you. Consider it as your final punishment. Should you live, then you can consider your sins to be forgiven."_

* * *

Flashback end…

When Schrödinger finished retelling his story, Naruto pulled out a kunai and held it over his palm. "I honestly think you've earned a second chance, Schrödinger. If all you need is blood, you can have some of mine."

As Naruto cut into his palm, Schrödinger silently wondered what would happen if he accepted Naruto's blood. "_**Why would you be so willing to do this for me when we just met, Naruto? You don't have to go through with this.**_"

The blonde didn't listen as he raised his bloody hand to Schrödinger's mouth. "You've shown me more kindness in the hour I've known you than most people I know. If this can help you, I'll gladly give up a little blood."

Schrödinger paused to look up at Naruto. Seeing the smile on the blonde's face and the fire in those blue eyes served to push out any doubts he had about Naruto. "_This is the one Alucard spoke of,_" he thought. "_His life has been terrible yet he still pushes forward. Naruto, you will be my new master if I survive this_."

With his hope rekindled Schrödinger lapped away at the blood in Naruto's hand with enthusiasm. As soon as he licked away the last remnants of the crimson liquid, he instantly doubled over in pain. "Schrödinger," Naruto gasped in surprise, "what's going on? What's happening to you!?"

"_**Don't worry about me,**_" Schrödinger replied in pain. "_**I was foretold that the process would be painful and quite possibly fatal. There's nothing more you can do at this point. It'll be over soon so don't worry.**_"

Naruto bit his bottom lip nervously and watched as the cat slowly grew larger and changed shape. "Please be ok, Schrödinger," the blonde whispered. "You have to be ok. You just have to be."

Schrödinger heard Naruto's silent plea and grit his teeth as the transformation continued. "_I must make it through this,_" he thought with a new resolve. "_Naruto, __**my master**__, is calling to me and I must make it through!_"

As the change slowly came to a finish, the pain Schrödinger felt began to slowly dull. When everything was over, the neko-boy found himself in the same form he had prior to being absorbed by Alucard. The only difference was that he was a bit younger than he remembered. "I hope I never have to go through that again," he said. "I didn't like that a single…"

His comments were cut off as Naruto pulled him into a tight hug. "Don't ever scare me like that again," the whiskered blonde said. "I don't think I could handle seeing you in so much pain. I was afraid I would lose you."

Schrödinger slowly wrapped his arms around Naruto's neck before returning the hug. "I will never leave you alone, my master. As long as you will have me, I will stand at your side forever."

Naruto pulled back and gave his friend a confused look. "What did you mean when you called me your 'master'? I don't recall you mentioning that."

The cat-eared boy nuzzled into Naruto's side before saying, "That is because I omitted it from the story. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to make the choice on your own. In short, for the transformation to have a chance of working, the blood had to be given without anything influencing you but your own will."

The young Uzumaki thought about the situation for a moment before making a choice. "I won't ever see you as a mere servant, but I'm honored that you would choose me to be your master. I give you my word that I shall never force you to do something against your volition."

Even though Schrödinger was human once again, he still retained some of his cat instincts. Therefore, he decided to thank Naruto in a manner that made sense to him and gave the blonde a slow lick to his whiskered cheek. "You are far too kind, Naruto-sama. I am happy to have a master such as you. And now that I have my powers again, I shall be able to aid you in more ways than one."

Naruto, who was still blushing from being licked, looked at Schrödinger with interest. "I never would've guessed that you had powers, Schrö-chan. Then again, the ears and tail should've been a clue. So, what exactly can you do?"

"Well," Schrö started, "I'm what you would call omnipresent. I can be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. As long as I acknowledge my own existence, I won't die. Alucard set our agreement to where I'd be able to change into a cat at will after being freed. Oh, and you have the same abilities now that I've been bonded to you."

Naruto thought over the powers before saying, "So, if I really wanted to, could I be at Tazuna-san's house right now?"

Schrö nodded and rubbed his cheek against Naruto's. "That is correct, my master. All you have to do is simply will yourself to be there and it will happen. Do not think of where you want to go. Instead, you must acknowledge that you are already there."

Naruto gave his friend an excited grin before focusing on his senses. "_I am standing outside of Tazuna-san's house,_" he thought in a mantra-like form. "_I am standing outside of Tazuna-san's house._"

Before the blonde could register what happened, he was no longer in the woods. He was now standing next to the tree that he used to practice the tree-walking technique. Remembering what happened during his training, Naruto focused again on his new powers. "_I am standing on the highest branch of the tree. I am standing on the highest branch of the tree._"

Within a split second, Naruto was now looking at the world from a new perspective. "Are you having fun, my master?"

Naruto turned to see Schrödinger sitting behind him. "This is amazing, Schrö-chan. Thank you for sharing this gift with me."

Schrö moved over to Naruto and gently cupped his hand. "It shall become easier the more you use it, Naruto-sama. Soon enough, it shall become second nature to you and you'll be able to do it on a mere whim as I do."

Naruto was so excited that he did something that he didn't think he'd ever do willingly. He quickly moved closer to Schrödinger and gave him a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Let's get inside, Schrö-chan. I'm sure that Kakashi-sensei is worried about me by now."

The duo jumped down from the tree and casually walked into the house. Upon entry to the residence, Tsunami wrapped Naruto in a motherly hug. "Thank goodness you're ok, Naruto-kun. Your sensei has been pacing in his room for a while now. He said he would go and look for you if you weren't back within the hour."

Naruto nodded before gently pulling Schrödinger forward. "Tsunami-san, this is my friend, Schrödinger. Do you think he'll be able to stay here until our mission is over?"

"Of course he can stay," Tsunami said with a smile. "However, sleeping arrangements might be tight. Would you mind if he bunked with you?"

Naruto shook his head to show that he had no qualms with that. "I don't mind at all. By the way, is Kakashi-sensei still in his room?"

As soon as Tsunami nodded, Naruto gave a devious smirk. "I think I'll go inform him that I'm back."

Before Tsunami could respond, Naruto and Schrödinger vanished as if they never existed. The woman merely wrote it off as a shinobi talent and went into the kitchen to finish cleaning.

* * *

Upstairs…

Kakashi was getting more and more nervous by the second. He specifically requested Naruto so that he could protect the boy and now he had no idea where the blonde even was. "_Kami-hime, please let Naruto-kun be alright. I don't know if I'm more afraid to face Minato-sensei or Kushina-sama if I let something happen to their son._"

He then thought back to the days when Kushina had been inducted into the Anbu. The woman became an Anbu captain in the span of eight months and was his squadron commander. She was also Itachi's Kenjutsu instructor prior to her death and look how he turned out. "_Honestly, I think I'd rather face Minato-sensei. While he might've won us the Third Great Shinobi War, Kushina-sama put the fear of Kami-hime into people both before __**and**__ after she got pregnant._"

While Kakashi was busy pacing, Sasuke was sitting on a bed in boredom and Sakura was pestering him for a conversation. After a few more minutes of watching Kakashi walk a hole into the floor, Sasuke finally got fed up. "Kakashi-sensei, why are you so worried about the dobe? You could be using this time to train us to fight Zabuza but you're too busy pacing over an idiot who's probably already dead."

"Sasuke-kun's right," said the ever faithful pink menace. "Naruto-baka's probably just training somewhere so just let him go. Sasuke-kun needs training now and he can't get it if you're stuck up on that loser."

Kakashi quickly stopped pacing and gave his students a smile that promised pain if they didn't stop talking. "You two had better hope that our little blonde's alive because if he isn't, I might just let it slip that the team's last encounter with him was you two insulting him prior to his death. After all, he didn't leave the house until you _**both**_ decided to make a few unwanted comments about his childhood."

Sasuke and Sakura both looked shocked as Kakashi casually continued, "Of course, when Sarutobi-sama asks what was said, I might also be tempted to embellish the report a bit. I might also be tempted to get 'drunk' in my 'despair' and let certain people hear how you both verbally tore into him without due cause. And we all know how much Sarutobi-sama, Iruka-sensei, Anko-san, Ibiki-san, Izumo and Kotetsu, the clan heads, the Ichiraku family, and the entire Anbu division all love him. I'm sure they'd all be just _**delighted**_ to know who killed their favorite little ball of sunshine."

As the threat lingered in the air, a familiar voice began laughing. "I'm glad to see that someone missed me. Still, the threat was a bit much, Kakashi-sensei."

Everyone looked behind Kakashi to see Naruto and a boy they'd never met before. Kakashi ruffled Naruto's hair before giving him a genuine smile. "It's good to see you're still in one piece, runt. Now, who is this, where have you been, did anything try to hurt you, and _**how **_did you sneak up on me like that?"

Naruto smiled as he felt the sincerity in his sensei's tone. "This is my new friend, Schrödinger. I was out in the woods trying to vent. There was nothing that could've hurt me out there except a falling tree. And I've been sneaking around the Anbu since I was _**four**_. Do you really think it would be that hard for me to get past you and those two?"

Kakashi politely held out a hand to Schrödinger and said, "My name, if you haven't already been told, is Kakashi Hatake and I'm Naruto-kun's sensei. It's nice to see him making new friends."

Schrödinger gladly shook Kakashi's hand but stopped when he heard a scoff. The cat-eared blonde looked over to Sakura before saying, "You must be Sakura Haruno. To put this politely, I don't like you. That goes triple for the Uchiha sitting next to you."

"How can you not like us if you've only just met us," asked a now annoyed Sasuke. "It's not really fair of you to judge others before getting to know them."

"You've got a lot nerve to say that in front of me," Schrö hissed out. "Both you and the harpy over there have frequently disregarded my master and turned your noses up at him without getting to know him. Don't talk about things you don't understand, you filthy heretic!"

Naruto quickly grabbed Schrö's hand and pulled him into a hug. "Don't concern yourself with these fools, Schrö-chan. They aren't worth it."

Schrödinger smiled as he placed a hand on Naruto's cheek. "You truly have a heart of gold, my master. I would've gutted these heretics long before now."

"I don't think you realize how big _**your**_ heart truly is," said Naruto. "You've gave me something I've been needing for a long time now. If anything, you've got the golden heart."

The cat-eared blonde locked his light amethyst eyes with Naruto's cerulean ones and saw nothing but hope. "If my heart is one of gold, yours must be made of the grandest diamond. Naruto-sama, it was _**you**_ who gave me my freedom and gave me a purpose again. Yours is truly a heart with no equal."

"_**Okay**_, that's enough flirting for one chapter," said Kakashi from behind his book. "The author doesn't want to write the rather inevitable kiss scene until around the middle of chapter two. This story won't even see anything over PG-13 that's _**not**_ violence until at least chapter 3."

While the two blondes were blushing up a storm, the idiots on the bed were wondering what their sensei was talking about. Thankfully, Tazuna's appearance into the room saved Kakashi from having to answer. The bridge builder looked over at Naruto and gave him a hearty smile. "I'm glad you're still in one piece, runt. To be honest, you're the only one of you lot next to the Cyclops that I actually like."

"Um," Sakura started, "we're sitting right here."

Tazuna gave the girl a blank look before saying, "And your point is…"

Naruto turned to Kakashi and said, "Yeah, we're going to go and do some training. We'll be outside if you need us."

"You're about to go laugh your ass off, aren't you," the Jonin inquired.

Naruto gave the man a cheeky grin before grabbing Schrö's hand. "Yes, and I'll be training while I'm laughing. By the way, Zabuza's not dead and I pretty much helped his accomplice gather enough medicine to get him up and running in about three days. Bye now!"

"Hang on there," Kakashi said while grabbing Naruto's shoulder. "Would you care to repeat that? I think I had something crazy in my ear because it sounded like you said that Zabuza wasn't dead."

Naruto's response was to simply vanish as if he was never even there. Kakashi turned to Schrödinger in hopes of getting an answer, but the cat-eared blonde was gone as well. "Well, that was unexpected. Anyway, now that we know he's back, I want you two on those trees."

* * *

Outside…

When Team 7 headed out to resume their training, they were greeted to the sight of Naruto walking up a tree using his hands instead of his feet. Kakashi chuckled as he remembered Kushina doing the same thing once. "Hey Naruto, come down here for a minute."

Naruto smirked before vanishing completely and reappearing behind Sakura. "What's up, sensei?"

Kakashi gave the blonde a scroll and pointed him to the shoreline on the side of the house. "You've gotten good at tree walking, now go and walk on water. Come see me when you can do a hand-stand for about five minutes."

The blonde chuckled before saying, "Sensei, I'm only a clone. The boss is actually taking a nap about ten feet out."

Kakashi ran over to the shore to see that there was indeed a Naruto sleeping on the water as if it were a bed. "_Hehe…water bed,_" thought Kakashi. "_I'm funny._"

The grey-haired shinobi gave a sharp whistle and watched as the blonde vanished from the surface of the water. "Schrö-chan was right," said a voice behind Naruto's clone. "This _**does**_ get easier the more I do it."

The clone moved aside to reveal the real Naruto holding Schrödinger in his cat form. "Before you ask, I religiously abuse the secret of the **kage bunshin no jutsu**. If you go back to the spot where I vented on those trees, you might notice that the slashes all start from the top and go _**down**_ the bark. Well, the ones I _**didn't**_ completely gouge out have marks on them."

Kakashi couldn't argue with that kind of logic. Shadow clones were listed as forbidden because they equally divide a person's chakra by the amount of clones. This usually causes people to pass out or even die from chakra exhaustion after only making a few. He also knew that Naruto was unaffected by this drawback and could use them to their fullest potential.

"In that case, you can go and guard Tazuna while these two catch up," Kakashi said.

As Naruto nodded and vanished to get the bridge builder, Sasuke looked at Naruto in envy. "How did Naruto learn the **shunshin** so fast," Sasuke asked.

Kakashi thought back to when he had a grip on Naruto's shoulder and was hit with two realizations. "Sasuke, I think Naruto might've awakened a kekkei genkai because that technique was not the **shunshin**. Back in the room earlier, I had a grip on his shoulder. He would've pulled me with him if he had used the **shunshin**. Also, I couldn't feel him use any chakra when he vanished."

"_This isn't right,_" Sasuke thought. "_He shouldn't be getting this strong so fast. He's supposed to be an idiotic loser compared to me._ _I'm an elite shinobi while that moron is just a clan-less loser. How dare he try to surpass me!?_"

"_**You know Uchiha, one might believe you have mental issues with those kinds of thoughts,**_" said a familiar voice. "_**Then again, I highly doubt a pompous heretic like you could ever be completely sane.**_"

"_How did you get in my head,_" Sasuke angrily thought.

Schrödinger laughed at being asked such a silly question. "_**That is easy, you foolish heretic. As an omnipresent being, I am everywhere and nowhere. I am here to deliver a message from my beloved master. Naruto-sama wishes for you to stop pestering him and to get on with your life. He says that his strength is not your concern and you don't interest him in the slightest. That's the message.**_"

Sasuke grit his teeth while wishing he could punch the cat-eared boy. "_Well, I've got a message for your so-called master. Tell him that I will defeat him and he will be forced to teach me __**all**__ of his techniques so that I can kill Itachi and avenge my clan._"

The cat-eared boy laughed again before insulting Sasuke again. "_**You still have learned nothing, you pathetic fool, so I shall give you a message directly from me.**_"

All of a sudden, Schrödinger's voice took on a surprisingly dark chill when he said, "_**If you dare approach my master with the slightest bit of ill intent, I'll snatch out your precious eyes and tear you in half. You would do wise to heed my warning, you filthy heretic.**_"

Sasuke growled as Schrö's voice faded from his mind. "_That fool doesn't know anything. I'll show them both not to mess with an Uchiha._"

* * *

Three days later…

Naruto woke to the feeling of Schrö curled up beside him when he felt two very small chakra forces approaching the house. As soon as he heard a door breaking, he vanished from his spot on the bed and reappeared in the kitchen with a kunai in hand.

Seeing a pair of goons move in on Tsunami and Inari, Naruto twirled the kunai in hand before stabbing the idiot on the left in the back of the throat. While the other was distracted by his partner's death, Naruto quickly slashed his throat open and let him bleed out.

He waited for the fool to hit the floor before giving the kunai to Inari along with a bag of smoke pellets. "Do not yield an inch, Inari. If someone threatens your livelihood, you show them no quarter. Make them blind to the world and then strike when they have lost their senses. Make Kaiza-san proud of the man I know you can become."

Inari looked at Naruto in awe as the blonde pulled out a scroll and unsealed a pair of black pants and a sleeveless dark crimson shirt that bore a white Uzumaki spiral on the back. The blonde then snapped his fingers and said, "_**Come to me, Schrödinger. Heed my call and appear before me.**_"

"I shall always heed your call," said a familiar voice. "What can I do for you, my master?"

Naruto turned to Schrödinger and handed him a red armband that bore the Uzumaki Crest. "We march into battle. Tazuna-san is in danger and we are going to protect him."

"Master," Schrö said while ripping off his old armband, "there is something I've been meaning to speak with you about since we first spoke with each other. We shall have to take a small detour on our way to the bridge."

* * *

Bridge…

Kakashi was busy dealing with Zabuza while Haku was knocking Sasuke around like a hockey puck. "You are fast," Haku commented, "but your blonde friend is faster…and stronger…and better looking to boot. He's also not an arrogant prick."

Sasuke scoffed while preparing another kunai. "Don't compare me to that dobe. He doesn't hold a candle to an elite Uchiha like me."

Haku gave Sasuke a blank stare before saying, "You might need to see a specialist about that. By the way, **Hyōton: Makyō Hyōshō!**"

As a dome of ice mirrors surrounded the Uchiha, Haku stepped into a mirror and pulled out a handful of needles. "You won't be able to keep up with my top speed, child. Please, just surrender peacefully."

Sasuke scoffed while trying to pinpoint the real Haku. "You won't defeat me with this cheap trick. Only an Uchiha can defeat another Uchiha in battle."

Haku simply rolled her eyes before pulling out a handful of senbon. "You say that only an Uchiha can defeat an Uchiha. You say that the Uchiha are elite shinobi. If that's true, then why is your blonde friend stronger than you? In my eyes, you are just a petulant child in need of a time-out."

"I've been saying the same thing for a while now," said a familiar voice, "but he just keeps running his mouth as if he were Kami-hime's gift to the world."

Sasuke turned around to see Naruto in his new attire. The blonde walked past him without a care in the world and looked at Haku. "Haku-chan, it's time to end this fight. You and ole 'no-brows' have been played like a harp."

"Naruto-kun, what are you talking about," asked Haku as she stepped out of a mirror. "How have Zabuza-sama and I been betrayed?"

Naruto snapped his fingers and waited until Schrödinger appeared next to him. "Schrö-chan took me out to Gato's hideout where we heard him talking about killing Zabuza. He also mentioned turning you into a pleasure slave after Zabuza was out of the way."

Haku shivered in disgust at the thought of being a toy for that corrupt pig in a suit. "Thank you for telling me all of this, Naruto-kun. Still, why were you at Gato's hideout in the first place?"

Just as Naruto tried to answer, Sasuke decided to attack Haku by launching a fireball at her. Fortunately, Naruto saw this and pushed the girl out of the way before being consumed by the flames. Haku fell into a momentary shock before turning to the Uchiha in a rage. "You attacked your own teammate just to get to me! How could you!?"

Sasuke simply scoffed while looking at the fire. "The dobe was expendable. Besides, he just proved to be a traitor by saving you so I didn't do anything wrong."

With a speed she never knew she had, Haku closed the distance between her and Sasuke and slammed him into an ice mirror. She then held out a hand and pushed enough ice chakra into it to turn it a deep blue. "Betrayal is a cowardly act among shinobi. Since I can't burn you to a crisp like you did my friend, I'm going to freeze you from the inside out and shatter you!"

However, a firm hand grabbed Haku by the wrist before she could carry out her plan. The girl turned to see a smirking Schrödinger holding her. "Don't waste your chakra on this heretic, Haku. Besides, that blast didn't kill my master."

True to the neko's words, Naruto calmly walked out of the fire without so much as a scuff on his clothes. "Let the idiot live, Haku-chan. He'll get his punishment when the Sandaime hears about this. Now, I do believe it's time to save Zabuza-san."

The blonde then cleared his throat before speaking in a voice that seemed to echo across the bridge. "_**Heed my call, servants of Hellsing. I call forth the Bird of Hermes. Stop my teacher and his opponent's fight at once.**_"

Almost instantly, a chill began to fill the air. There was a deep laughter that sounded off before a voice said, "It shall be done as you have commanded, my lord and master."

* * *

Meanwhile~

Zabuza and Kakashi were locked in deep combat when Kakashi decided to wrap things up. "We're both busy men, Zabuza. I say we go ahead and finish this little battle."

He then pulled out a scroll and wiped some of his blood on it before wrapping it up and slamming it on the ground. Before Zabuza could react, he was being held down by a group of dogs. Kakashi then held out his hand and covered it in lightning chakra before saying, "Zabuza, this is my very own technique. I'll end you and your ambitions with this final attack."

Just as Kakashi prepared to launch at the nuke-nin, he heard a voice that sent chills up his spine. "_**Heed my call, servants of Hellsing. I call forth the Bird of Hermes. Stop my teacher and his opponent's fight at once.**_"

"_Was that Naruto's voice,_" the man thought. "_It sounded like him, but it felt different. It must be him because I can't sense any chakra from the Kyūbi._"

He then shot forward at Zabuza only to have a hand catch his wrist in a steel-like grip. Kakashi turned to see a male who looked to be no older than thirteen with piercing red eyes and pale skin holding his wrist. The teen looked Kakashi in the eye before gently letting him go. "I can assume you are Kakashi Hatake," he spoke in a smooth yet eerie voice. "My lord and master has commanded me to stop you and Zabuza Momochi from trying to kill each other."

Zabuza looked confused until he saw Naruto and Haku approach with Schrödinger in tow. "Zabuza," Naruto began, "you've been betrayed. Gato is on his way to kill you as we speak."

Just as Zabuza opened his mouth, the teen vampire sniffed the air. "Suddenly it reeks of greed and alcohol."

Everyone turned to see Gato and a large number of mercenaries and thugs behind him. "I knew you were all talk, Zabuza. Men, kill these fools and bring me that ice-bitch. I'm going to enjoy breaking her in."

The teen turned to Naruto and gave a short bow. "Naruto Hellsing, my lord and master, give me your orders."

Naruto began scratching Schrö behind his ears while looking at Gato's army. "Alucard, take heed. Here are your orders. Your magazines should be loaded, your sights should be trained and the safety switches should be removed. Tear these wretched fools to pieces but leave the fat bastard for Zabuza. Now, carry out your orders and paint this bridge a new color."

Alucard gave Naruto a toothy grin that revealed his finely sharpened fangs. "My master, it shall be done as you command."

As Alucard began his slow trek forward, Gato sneered and turned to his men. "There's only one guy coming at us. Whoever kills him and the blonde bastard gets a nice pay bump!"

There were cheers among the goon squad until a new voice cut through to their souls. "Did I hear correctly," said a female voice. "Did I hear you call my master a bastard?"

Everyone watched as a blonde woman with red eyes in a red military-styled uniform stepped from the depths of the fog accompanied by a second woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes. The woman with red eyes had a mass of black and red energy coming from where her left arm should be. "I asked you a question," she said. "Did you just call my master a bastard?"

Gato looked the woman over before saying, "Yes, you dumb bitch. I called him a bastard. He's nothing but some punk kid who needs to learn his place in the world."

The woman closed her eyes in contemplation. "I see. Master Naruto, please allow me to rip this fool's tongue out before he dies. His voice is like poison to my ears and listening to it is driving me crazy."

"Save your ire," Naruto said. "Alucard can handle this and you will face combat soon enough. Now, run them down, Alucard! Give them no mercy! Show them the might of the Hellsing Organization as you send them to Oblivion!"

As Alucard charged down the army before him, everyone watched as he used two strange devices to blast holes into his opponents. While this went on, Zabuza turned to Kakashi and said, "You can let me go now. We're no longer enemies."

Kakashi nodded and dismissed his dogs. Once freed, Zabuza picked up his blade and tore into the thugs alongside Alucard. Within moments of fighting, the duo had reached Gato and cut off his escape route. Zabuza lifted the man by his shirt and said, "You should know better than to double-cross a demon, idiot. But I'm not going to kill you."

Gato thought he was safe until Zabuza pointed him in the direction of Naruto. "I think I'll let him have that honor."

Naruto slowly walked up to the man and looked at him before spitting in his face. "You aren't worth killing in my eyes. But I'll issue you a challenge. If you can run to the borders of the town before Seras can catch you, I'll let you live. Zabuza-san, drop him."

As soon as Zabuza let him go, Gato scrambled to his feet and took off in the direction of the town. "Naruto," said Kakashi, "why did you let him go?"

A smirk formed on Naruto's face as the fog began to lift. "It's simple, Kakashi-sensei. That idiot is doomed to death as soon as he steps off of the bridge."

Kakashi saw what Naruto meant when he saw Inari leading a mob of townspeople to the bridge. He then watched as the people swooped down on Gato and beat him black and blue. "_A fitting end for a tyrant_," Kakashi thought.

While this went on, Tazuna and Sakura ran over to the group with Sasuke trailing behind. Sakura gave Naruto a nervous look before saying, "I don't really know how to say this, but Schrödinger-san was right about me. I shouldn't have judged you like I did. I…I'm sorry, Naruto."

Naruto stopped the girl by holding up his hand. "Sakura, understand that I am _**not**_ your friend. However, that doesn't mean I have to be your enemy. Any chance for us to be friends is going to take a lot of work, but we can at least be civil."

Just as Sakura reached to shake Naruto's hand, a spear pierced the girl's chest and sent her falling to the ground. Naruto looked up to see a boat full of thugs and mercenaries at the end of the bridge. The thug that threw the spear pulled out a knife and said, "You bastards killed our meal ticket. Now we're gonna kill all of you and ransack the town."

As Alucard prepared to meet this new force, Naruto held out a hand to stop him. "Let me deal with this, Alucard. I've been wanting to test out some of my new abilities in combat. Meanwhile, try to keep Sakura from dying until I return. Integra, I want you to time me on this."

Alucard bowed before stepping back to give Naruto some room. "Master, do you think your omnipresence is battle-ready yet? While Schrödinger was created to be this way, you've barely had the power for a week. It might be better to wait until you've gained a bit more experience using it."

"Alucard," Naruto said, "have a little faith in me. This is the perfect time for a field test of this power. Besides, Kakashi-sensei can kill anyone I miss…_**if**_ I miss anyone."

Before Naruto could move forward, Integra placed a hand on his shoulder. "Give no quarter, Naruto Uzumaki, my descendant. Show them the true might of a Hellsing."

Naruto simply pulled out a kunai before vanishing into nothing. Everyone watched as Naruto appeared and vanished multiple times while slashing at the throats of bandits. Although his movements were slow, Naruto didn't waste many movements and kept the attacks simple but effective. Kakashi watched in awe as Naruto's targets dropped like flies without being able to touch him. "_It's like watching __**Shunshin no Shisui**__ again. Sensei, you and Kushina-sama would be proud of your son._"

By the time Naruto had finished, there was nothing left but a trail of corpses. He then moved back to Sakura and saw that she was still bleeding out. "Master," Alucard said, "I have managed to slow the bleeding but I cannot stop it. This girl is going to die. Also, according to Integra, you took about two minutes."

Hearing Alucard's words brought tears to Sakura's eyes. She reflected on everything that she had done up to this point and realized that she had taken being a shinobi for a joke. "_Kami-hime,_" she pleaded to herself, "_please don't let me die. I want to live…to be better than what I am now. Please, let me live. Let me…change._"

As if her prayers were answered, Naruto crouched down beside her and looked into her teary eyes. "Sakura Haruno, I agreed to be civil to you so I will start here and now. There is a way to save you, but you must want it. You must choose whether or not you want to live or die. But, should you choose to live, you must prove yourself both as a kunoichi…and as a draculina. Now, will you live…or die?"

Sakura used what little strength she had to turn her head to face Naruto and hold out her hand to him. The last thing she saw was Naruto's eyes glowing red before everything went black.

* * *

Three days later…

Sakura awoke feeling better than she had in her entire life. She felt revitalized, stronger, faster, and more confident. "It's about time you woke up," said a familiar voice.

The rosette looked around the room and saw Integra sitting at the foot of the bed. "Naruto is waiting for you with everyone else downstairs. He figured you might want to know about how he saved you so I'll give you the brief version before you run him ragged with questions. You are now a vampire. Well, a half-vampire much like myself."

"Vampire," Sakura asked before looking in a mirror to see her fangs. "But how…"

"It is because Naruto has vampiric blood," Integra said. "When a vampire bites a virgin human of the opposite sex, that person can become a vampire. When you asked Naruto to save your life, he took a gamble on whether or not you were still a virgin. Had you been deflowered already, you would've become a monster known as a ghoul and we would've killed you on the spot."

Sakura looked in the mirror again before sighing. "I see. In any case, I should talk to Naruto. I want to properly thank him for saving me. And I do have a few questions for him."

Integra nodded as the duo made their way to the living room where Naruto was holding Schrö in his cat form. Sakura sat down across from him and bowed her head. "Thank you, Naruto. I would be dead if not for you. Would you…mind if I asked you some things?"

Naruto looked at the girl with a neutral expression. "I knew you would want to question me so I am prepared for it. Ask away, Sakura."

Sakura thought on her first question before saying, "You have vampiric blood. How?"

"That would be my doing," Integra said. "Naruto is my great great grandson. I was first bitten by Alucard when he was still in my service and later fell in love with a human with whom I conceived a child. That child was a vampire of diluted blood and also married a human. Their child conceived Naruto's father and the rest of that is history. As for why Naruto's blood is so strong, it's because he himself has taken in the blood of the vey vampire that created his bloodline. He drank from Alucard and his vampiric blood grew stronger."

"That's an interesting tale," Kakashi said from behind his book. "_Sensei, I never would've guessed that you would have that kind of blood in you. And now, your son has shown the potential to surpass you and Kushina-sama. Would the two of you be as proud of him as I am?_"

At the same time that Kakashi was thinking that, Alucard let out a toothy grin. "Master Naruto, what will your fledgling do about her current situation? After all, she may no longer be human, but she can still die like one at the current time."

Sakura looked shocked at Alucard's declaration. "But, you said that I was a vampire. Wouldn't that make me immortal?"

"Immortal does not mean invincible," Schrö said while switching forms. "You might be a vampire but you have yet to drink any blood. And I don't mean a few drops. To become a true vampire like Alucard, Seras, or Master Naruto, you must completely drain someone of their blood. After all, blood is the currency of the soul. It is the vehicle of life. Also, once you finally start drinking blood, you will come to understand that having blood offered yields a different result than simply taking it."

To prove the cat-boy's point, Seras waved her vampiric arm and everyone watched as a man with long brown hair formed from the energy. He gave a simple wave before fading away. "His name was Pip Bernadotte. As he died, he offered me his blood so that I could live. And now, he stands with me forever."

During this conversation, a certain Uchiha was listening very closely. "Tell me, how does one go about becoming a vampire?"

Integra lit a cigar before taking a deep puff. "Mr. Uchiha, are you a virgin, by any chance? If not, you stand absolutely no chance of ever becoming a vampire."

Sasuke scoffed in his usual way before answering. "I am a virgin, but I don't see how that matters."

Alucard gave one of his more demented grins and said, "It's simple. When a vampire bites a virgin of the opposite sex, they can turn that person into a vampire. However, my master can change anyone due to his mutated…kekkei genkai, if I'm wording it correctly."

"And before you ask, I'm not doing it," Naruto said. "I'm technically not a vampire due to my human lineage and the fact that I was born with this ability. But even though I have this power, I won't pass it around like a party favor."

"Then why did you do it to Sakura," Sasuke asked.

"I swore to be civil to her and figured that letting her die without a fighting chance wasn't the civil choice," the blonde answered. "Also, I did it as a favor to Mebuki-san. She was one of the few people who were ever nice to me as a child and this was my way of saying 'thank you'."

Sasuke merely growled at being denied the chance to become stronger than Itachi. "_Damn that dobe. He doesn't deserve that kind of power. I'll find a way to get it from him and once I do, I'll finally kill Itachi._"

Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke's emo attitude and turned back to the rosette. "Sakura, you said you wanted to change. Well, as soon as we get to Konoha, you will indeed change. I intend to make you a full vampire, but you _**will**_ hone your body before that time comes. Luckily, your vampirism will help you adjust rather quickly before we transform you. With your new abilities, it shouldn't take you very long to become worthy of being a true draculina."

* * *

One week later…

As Team 7 and company prepared to set off, Zabuza gave Naruto a curious glance. "And you're positive that the Hokage will let us in?"

"Absolutely," Naruto said. "He and I are on familial terms with each other and he would be glad to add you both to the shinobi ranks. Now, let's move out while Kakashi-sensei isn't engrossed in his smut."

Kakashi smacked Naruto over the head and smiled under his mask. "It's good to see you haven't changed much, runt. Let's go home."

Tazuna and the citizens of Nami no Kuni waved as the shinobi group set off. Out of nowhere, Tsunami brought up an interesting topic. "Dad, we never named the bridge."

"Yeah," Tazuna agreed. "And I have the perfect name for it. As of today, in honor of the man who gave us our strength and freedom back, this shall forever be known as…the Great Naruto Bridge!"

The crowd cheered and Tazuna gave Inari his bottle of sake to christen the bridge properly. With one good smash, the bottle broke and the Great Naruto Bridge was finally completed. With the giant celebration that followed the christening, it was well in the night when Tazuna finally said, "Did anyone else notice that one of those blondes had ears and a tail?"


End file.
